Boom chicka snootchie booches

If you’re my kid, don’t read this.
If you’re my parent, don’t read this.

If you’re someone who is easily offended and/or grossed out by The Ess-Eee-Ecks, don’t read this.

If you’re Mr. Mewes, thanks? I think?8

________
Okay, now that the buzzkills are gone, oh my god, you guys.

Johnny Rotten has been obsessed with Kevin Smith lately, and with the exception of Comic Book Men, I can understand it fully. I enjoy nothing more than a bunch of beer, a blankie, a really comfy couch, and the ViewAskewniverse, you know?

I was letting him run with his Kevin Smith kick, and yes, I was shit talking a little, but Mr. Smith seems like a cool guy and I also think that he could probably see some humor in trash talk from some housewife who doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground on all things comic-y,  and besides, even if he was butthurt, I figure that if I bought him a beer and apologized and told him how I wanted to name my dog Dante Hicks but got outvoted, we’d probably end up buddies or something. Anyway, I was being pretty supportive over this bearded filmmaker obsession.

I was. I really was. Until last night.

See, I had an X-rated dream last night. You’d think, with all this talk about Mr. Smith, that it would be about the man himself, but nope. You’d have thought wrong. It was starring (boom chicka) Jason (snootchies booches) Mewes.

Don’t recognize the name? He was Jay from Jay and Silent Bob fame. He was in Zack and Miri Make a Porno. He was in….. other stuff. Probably.  I think.

Still don’t know? Maybe Mr. Smith can help…..

image

Thank you, Kevin. Yes, that  guy.

You’re supposed to buy weed from Jay, or ask him where the Phish concert is. You’re not supposed to think like that about and so you guys? Again, I don’t even know. Clearly, I am confused.

Johnny Rotten has been informed that he’s not allowed to talk about anything Smith related before bed. LIke too much caffiene, it clearly affects my dreams.  This is like that time where we were watching Everybody Loves Raymond before bed and I…. you know what? NO. There’s no need for all of us to be traumatized by this.  My Everybody Loves Raymond story is my own cross to bear. You’re welcome.

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5 thoughts on “Boom chicka snootchie booches

  1. We all have our Kevin Smith’s. In this case your Kevin Smith is actually the real Kevin Smith. (Really? Silent Bob?) Like I can smirk when I have secret adorkable dreams of Michael Fassbender. Nerds. Who knew?

    • Oh joel. First of all, the spit and arrogance are mostly contained in the first syllable. Secondly, i think i will be LUCKY to go to bed and dream of being the ninevoltcandy filling in a viewaskewniverse sammich than to think of that toxic shock article for one more second. Once again, thank you for helping me to sort my priorities properly.

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