Just Dance probably turned me into an assassin

When I was about 15, I was home from school sick, and my mom rented some movies to get me to stop my constant whining help me feel better.

I don’t remember most of the titles, but The Manchurian Candidate stood out. To my arrogant teenaged mind, it was the dumbest thing ever, though it was kind of awesome to see Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast and the guy who sang all those songs that other people’s dads sing when they’ve had a couple of glasses of red wine.


It revolves around a guy who is brainwashed into being an assassin, and his trigger phrase is “go jump in a lake”. Whenever anyone says “go jump in a lake”, he enters this crazy murdery fugue state and all hell breaks loose.

I mean, who would do that? Brainwashing? Is that even a thing? Pffffffft. I was 15 and I knew everything, and I said it wasn’t a thing so it wasn’t.

Fast forward mumblemumble years to a time where I am ever so slightly less arrogant. I was listening to internet radio and Jump came on. The one by Kris Kross, not the one by Van Halen, The Pointer Sisters or almost the one by House of Pain. You know, the one that’s on one of the Just Dance games.


Without even realizing what I was doing, I started doing this.   Dropped my laundry basket and everything. That’s right, it’s 3 minutes of gameplay that I engaged in without a single reason to do it and plenty of reasons not to, the second most important of which is that I am not a 13 year old with a hit song, but an oldish housewife with no rhythm and even less coordination.

The most important reason–not that I even need to tell you this, because you know where I’m going with it– is that Just Dance obviously has malicious intentions and I’m probably an assassin now and I don’t even know it.

I laughed at “go jump in a lake”.

“I’m the miggita miggita mac daddy” though? That’s the real deal, folks.


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