So, Running, Eh?

I am a runner now. Running is cool.

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Running is cool like fezzes and bow ties.

Before you even ask, I need to point out that I am not an arms runner or a drug runner, though I have to give props to anyone who might have had that thought in the back of their mind. I like the conclusions you jump to, sir and/or madam.

I’m not sure why I started running, or slowly jogging, or whatever I call the little shuffle I do, but it might have something to do with these reasons:

1)All my friends are doing it. Madame X and Tits Mcgee both have taken up running. I know what some of you are going to say. “Peer pressure is bad, Amy, mmmmmmkay? Besides, if they jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?” Yes. Yes I would. Geronimo!

2) If you sign up for a race, you get a goodie bag. Seriously, did you guys know that? You go to the thing, and then they give you presents.

I hear that sometimes the swag gets a little weird–4 roll package of toilet paper, anyone?– but I haven’t seen that kind of thing yet. My one and only swag bag had pretty normal stuff in it. Lip balm, shampoo sample, pen, hair gel. Nothing too weird. I was kind of disappointed that there was nothing that made me laugh maniacally and start texting everyone I know about it. Next time, maybe?

3) Running skirts exist, and they are super, super cute, but only if you are running in them. Wearing a running skirt without being in the middle of a run or having just finished a run just makes one look like a try-hard tart. See? I have to run.

4) La la la cardiovascular-health-or-something.

5) Beer afterwards. You know, to rehydrate.

6) Photos that are way more natural looking than the ones I usually get, in which the frozen smile looks suspiciously like it actually might be a pre-snarl.

7) I can listen to whatever crappy music I want to on my headphones without being told how uncool I am by Batman.

I can listen to The Proclaimers, for goodness sake. Is singing, “I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more!” uncool? Probably. Awesome regardless of cool factor? Most certainly.

So yeah. There are my reasons. Music, beer, peer pressure and wanting to wear a running skirt without looking like a tart. Clearly, I am not a person of depth and substance.

I did a 5k last weekend, which was an untimed novelty run, and despite being cold and wet and annoyed by people in front of me who couldn’t possibly walk as slowly as they did, it was fun.

Im doing another of the same type this coming up weekend with Tits Mcgee. Should be superfun too.

Then in October, God willin’ and the crick don’t rise, I will be doing a half marathon. Thats a lot of miles. Thats like, from here to a place that’s 13.1 miles away from here.

And I will wear my skirt.

And I will listen to the Macarena, if I want.

And I will drink beer with my friends after.

And it will be great.

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My Day, by the Numbers

Great new songs discovered: 1

Mood at 8 am, on a scale of 1-10: 9

Major sewage problems discovered: 1

Shovels full of nastiness removed: unknown. Too depressing to count.

Times vomited today from the putrid smell: 3

Times vomited due to any other reason in the last 6 months: 0

Blisters on feet due to getting shoes wet: 1 (but its really big)

Snails stepped on: 1

Number of shoes worn during the snail stepping: 0

Times I got raw sewage on me: 2

Number of times I found a brown clump in my hair and freaked out: 5

Number of times it was henna instead of sewage: 4.

Mood at 2 pm, on a scale of 1-10: -6000

Amount of hand sanitizer used, measured in 32 oz bottles: 1/5

Number of fire ant hills hit by a weedwhacker: 1

Number of ants angered by this: Approximately 9 trillion.

Jump/flail/hop ‘get these ants off me” dance, in seconds: 20

Neighbors watching and laughing: 1.

Fire ant bites: 1

Number of times arson was considered: 40. But the day isnt over.

And how has your day been?